Laura Morrison

Past experiences

COREY! I began learning and performing improv at a particularly tender and insecure time in my life (early 20s, gross), and also came up as an improviser in a space that was precious to me, but also toxic. Some of my most ingrained memories of that theater space are of times I felt like I was not funny, not good enough, like an outsider, or not pretty/talented/popular enough to be asked to even *audition* for the teams that were seen as top tier. I’ve since taken a long break from improv, but I find myself missing it. My question for you: how do I get back into improv in a new space without picking up where I left of (ie: tearing every choice I make on stage down, feeling terrible about my shows, feeling less than, being super in my head, etc etc).

First off let me say that I’m so sorry that that was your experience. I am also sorry that I was an enabler and allowed that environment to be as toxic as it was before I moved to NYC.

I don’t know how to enter a new space without those old feelings creeping up. It’s triggering, and I don’t have a degree to speak eloquently enough about navigating around those triggers. But I do want to express that the system that broke you was a system that told you that you had to play one particular way. Whereas comedy is truly about finding your own unique voice. That theater taught you to try to mimic one man’s comedic voice, and if you couldn’t, you didn’t belong. So, you haven’t really had a chance to do real improv in my opinion.

I think we must remind ourselves that our comedy teachers are just giving opinions. I remember a few years ago I had a student named Nina in my class. She is great, but I could feel that the way I taught, and the rigid structure of game was not right for her. I would go home after class and tell my wife that I just felt like I was the wrong guy for the job for some of those students. I don’t normally think that. But I felt it in my gut with this one class. Later I saw that Nina was doing sketch and I got to see some of the stuff that she wrote, and I was blown away. I was also THRILLED because I felt like she found her way to the right person/people. And every time I see a sketch that she writes I’m ecstatic because it’s always so good. But I can legit say I was not the right guy at that time.

Some things/people enter our lives at the wrong point in time, and it can ruin something that is beautiful. Nobody has ever told me this, but I am sure I have ruined improv for a person or two here and there, just because I was the wrong person at the wrong time. Statistically speaking.

But just like in improv, I can’t figure out anything while I’m standing on the backline. I have to put one foot in front of me, walk out onto stage, and see if it’s the right time today.

I think we are all hyper critical of ourselves with any artistic expression. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I think what we can do is learn to accept that as a part of who we are, instead of thinking we are wrong or weird for being that way. Maybe it’s a lesson about forgiveness, and learning to teach ourselves it’s okay to hyper critical with our own shit. I only feel depressed about it when I follow that up with “you’re an idiot for thinking about it this much.” I’ve learned to be honest that that’s just who I am, and sometimes I have to say “hey wife, I might be in my head for the next two hours” which she is very supportive of.